Happy Memorial Day Weekend! It’s an occasion when we celebrate WAR, by barbecuing on the graves of dead soldiers. Yay. Isn’t it fun that there are now young men and women dying in multiple wars that began before they were born? Yay.

I wanted to include a video with this blog. But, I’m still not feeling it. I haven’t had any energy or motivation in months. I cleaned up my studio area a little bit, though. I threw out a lot of clutter. I did a little housecleaning. I sold some items in my family’s garage sale. Then, I sold a few items online. I finally got one decent professional microphone! A Shure SM57 (and a high quality pop filter to go with it)! I have been using the same shitty secondhand Radio Shack mic since 1985! I stopped billing my Patreon friends a few months ago, since I am so far behind on rewards that I owe them. I will resume billing after I’ve caught up on those. One of my CD/DVD drives quit and I had to replace it. It may be because my PC is so old, like everything else.

I got both of my “Fauci ouchie” vaccine shots. Everything is opening up a little more. I think the pandemic might be officially over by the end of summer. It could have been over A FUCKING YEAR AGO, if some people weren’t such ignorant asshats. But, it is what it is. What are musicians gonna do? How many venues are there left? I probably won’t be playing live much anymore. I hate performing alone, have always sucked at booking gigs, and I’m getting too old to deal with band bullshit. I’m at the “Fat Elvis” stage of life, literally.

I watched a documentary about R. Stevie Moore, the godfather of DIY home recording. He has recorded over 400 albums, alone, by himself, since the late 1960’s. He recorded cheap music videos for many of his songs, long before there was anywhere to get them played. When YouTube came along, he finally had somewhere to show them. The internet has given him the recognition that he has been long overdue, resulting in his first European tour, at the age of 60. But, it came too late. His body is wearing down and he doesn’t have the energy or stamina to keep going. He finally quit playing music altogether, in 2019. That will probably be me in a couple of years.

I keep trying out different self-help productivity ideas, dealing with depression, anxiety, OCPD. Sometimes they work for a little while, until they don’t. I keep doing what kind of works, for me, and try something else. Finding the right structural balance seems to be what I need.

I’m gonna focus more on recording and making videos than continue trying to jam out with people, who probably won’t be interested anyway. That’s a very different mindset. But, it does suit my introverted personality better. I get discouraged sometimes when I’m working on something and it isn’t what I really wanted it to be. I know I should know better than to get caught in a perfectionist trap. It’s a bummer when I wish I had “X” to make something, but have to make-do with something else or forget it. Maybe that is part of my problem. Maybe I should go back to therapy again. The old mental health clinic I went to infuriated me to no end with their bureaucratic bullshit. It must have driven the staff crazy, too, because all the best people resigned. Mediocrity and incompetence is all that was left when I quit going.

Well, enjoy your hamburgers and hotdogs. I’ve got work to do now.